03 March 2009

Romance Writers Try Comedy

I haven’t been to France, I haven’t seen Spain or driven through Germany yet I’m in the mood to tell you about my escapades in a European country. Let’s see, this story happened several centuries ago. I can’t recall the exact date, probably sometime in the fifteenth or sixteenth century.

Anyway, I was walking down what we now call a country road. No, wait...the walking person was not me, not the way you know me, at least.

Let’s start over.

François carried a basket weaved of goldenrod. In his basket, he carried a collection of papers called...

Tales From the Light Side

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Romance Writers Try Comedy

"Have I said enough?" he asked, looking at the flowers on the desk in front of him but seeing nothing. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

Marion considered his questions for a moment before she answered him. If what he said was true, then she had no choice but to agree with him. If, however, he had lied or just stretched the truth a little bit, she had a chance to change his mind. How could she tell? "I’m not sure I understand what you said."

"Do you never listen? Why do I have to explain everything I say to you?" he spit out in fury.

Perhaps now is not the time. Perhaps he would not listen to what she had to say. Perhaps...but she must find out the truth, if not for himself or her, at least for the world. The world deserved the truth and she was not one to deny what the world deserved. In fact, the world demanded the truth. She had no choice. She had to ask.

"Did you mean Federal Express or certified mail?"

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As I stared out the window, thoughts raced through my mind like porpoises through water -- up and down on the electrochemical waves -- dancing about to some unknown music, singing some unknown melody. I considered the years ahead of me, the years behind me, and the long moment I constantly endured. Random events, those that had occurred and those which no individual had experienced, flashed across the movie screen of my mind. I could have contemplated all the possibilities but I didn’t have enough time. I had to make a decision.

"I’d like a cheeseburger, large fries, a hot fudge sundae, and a diet Coke."

"Your order comes to $2.25. Please drive around to the window."

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She looked at the clock -- 6:45 p.m. -- had she waited too long? Would he be there to meet her need this time as he had done so many times before? She had already chewed off her beautifully manicured nails worrying about him. He was always there when she needed him. What if he wasn’t there? What would she do? She had told him that she’d thought about suicide. He told her every time that suicide was wrong, that there was too much to live for, that each day was too precious to waste on thoughts of death. What would she do this time?

She knew he wouldn’t be there all the time, that he had other commitments, other concerns and she was just a young child compared to him. She had to call, to let him know her need this time, let him know she thought about other things besides death. Another minute left to herself and she would go crazy. She picked up the receiver, thought a moment, and dialed those seven numbers that brought her one step closer to sanity.

"Hello, Domino’s Pizza? Yeah, I’ll have a medium pepperoni and green pepper on thin crust...and a liter of Coke. Thanks!"

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