Port-O-Johnny

One advantage you need when wanting to advance the state-of-the-art in technology sits squarely in your lap like a hot potato, mixed metaphors and misplaced modifiers, notwithstanding.

When I became a toy man, I opened myself up to experimentation, allowing my body to become a guinea pig.

I gave up my birthright as a natural human animal to join the cybernetic movement. I no longer belong to any group, not even the species into which I was born.

I exist outside of time and space because I no longer exist. I live everywhere and nowhere.

I am you and can see you anytime I want, having access to the World Wide Web 24 hours a day. I never sleep because I no longer have to sleep, only giving my natural biological parts the rejuvenating time they need while the part called "I" / "me" roams the universe.

Let me back up a bit. You see, one day not so long ago my curiosity about the advance of organic circuitry carried me into a research lab not far from here. At the lab, the professor in charge walked me through the work his team had performed, demonstrating the flexible organic circuits they had designed and built.

I asked him about the possibility of getting such circuitry through a metal detector, worried as I was at the time about terrorists using organic-based technology for destructive purposes. The professor had no assurances for me but promised to pass on my concerns to his corporate sponsor.

Instead, he showed me how he had implanted a small set of organic circuits into a sea creature which has simple nervous system functions. The circuitry gave the creature the feeling it had an extended body with built-in memories for pain-response behaviours.

The professor told me the company which had sponsored the research hoped to use the new technology to develop flexible displays. The professor, however, hoped to use the technology to overcome his pending dementia, knowing as he did that his DNA profile indicated his high-likelihood of developing brain deterioration.

At the time, the professor could not afford to experiment on himself and ethically felt challenged to search for volunteers.

Enter "me." I asked the professor about his plans. He showed me a set of documentation he had developed which would theoretically allow him to implant organic circuitry within a person's skull without adversely affecting a person's brain functionality. The circuitry contained probes which, like devices in use today for epileptics and schizophrenics, triggered pulses in specific brain locations but had no current use. More importantly, a wireless connection allowed the brain to "see" the Internet by sending images through the optic nerve and sound through the auditory nerve. A microphone picked up vocal chord vibrations and converted speech-to-text, allowing a person to surf the Web vocally. The professor looked forward to the day he could capture voice intent without vocalization so a person could use a computer without talking aloud. He had an idea for a cochlear implant that could pick up sounds outside the normal human hearing range.

The professor hoped to use brainwaves for other functionalities but had not fully developed his prototypes sufficiently to say what he'd do with them.

Well, what else have I got to do but sit here and pontificate?

So here I am with you now, looking to all the world like I'm talking to myself but actually dictating this blog to you in realtime. I can walk through most any city, town or suburban neighborhood and connect to the Web. I can find research bots or zombie computers and set them up to decode username/password combinations. I change my "computer" settings at will, playing with IP addresses, MAC addresses and such to my liking.

Luckily, I'm not a malicious person. Unfortunately, I'm not a genius, evil or good. I'm just this regular guy who's searching for the Next Big Thing.

For example, I've figured out that I can look at text and "enter" it on websites or other computer interfaces - I write down command sequences on pieces of paper and then think them into existence. I'm sure there's a better way and if I could hack my head, I would. However, most of the organic circuits are hard-wired. The professor promises an upgrade with reconfigurable organic traces but it's a year or two out. For now, I spread myself over the Net and collect my thoughts when I need them, such as my gene sequence, the positive results from the SETI search (we are our own aliens but that's another subject) and other things I can't talk about right now (not just because they're government/corporate secrets but also because I'm not sure of their purposes, which might include having people like me finding these secrets and leaking them).

The professor has learned much during my experimentation for him. He believes that the unused probes will be able to stimulate brain tissue and keep it from deteriorating. I have no idea if he's right or wrong but I hope for his sake, he's right. When activated, the probes make me jerk and then drop to the ground like a rag doll because the professor didn't have specific loci to target in me. He uses the probes to "reset" me in cases where bugs in the organic circuits have caused an infinite loop. Where's a good test set when you need one?! Is there a WHQL for people like me?

Recently, the professor showed me a new device in the lab that lets him "print" organic circuits in large quantities. It's this breakthrough that has his corporate sponsor most excited.

To celebrate my second month as a cybertoy (cyborg sounds too retro and I'm not a cyberpunk), I sat down with the professor and his assistants to watch the movie, "Johnny Mnemonic." Thank goodness, the future is not as bleak as William Gibson depicted in 1981. Corporations come and go. Government administration leaders rise and fall. All is not lost. Besides, I don't live in the future. I live in the present, where Earth has circled the Sun from the time of the early hint at our species' potential to the time of our next species type. Change is constant. Today I'm part of the Next Big Thing and tomorrow I'll be ancient history. Hey, at least I'm having fun. Wanna play a game?