Imitation or Imagination?

Over the past few months, I have worked on a story that I hoped would turn into my next novel. Usually, once I get started I work to completion, the story idea having enough originality to hold my interest, mixing as it always does bits and pieces of my [supposed] unique life.

In my dreams last night I discovered that my life is unoriginal. I am a chameleon at all times, copying and reflecting the lives of those around me. I might as well be invisible.

My story followed a few college students who came from diverse backgrounds and met up in the same class. Their class instructor was planted in the university as a recruiter for a previously unknown group of people interested in creating the next evolution of society, using some students as test subjects and some students as potential members of the group.

Eventually, the story would reveal truth in the fiction and expose the active recruiting that takes place in real life at college, university and institute facilities all around the world.

This morning, I woke up in a sweat. I realized that my story is already fact. There is no fiction in what I have been writing. I am reflecting and not creating.

No wonder I have felt out of balance lately. I have enjoyed teaching but I have been teaching while my life is out of balance, a disservice to my students.

Why am I out of balance? Because I have not been true to myself, putting others' goals and desires (like retail shopping therapy disguised as a remote-controlled toy airplane hobby) in place of my own. Time to take a couple of days and meditate upon the joy of the eternal moment and not the temporary joy of material goods.

I live in a labyrinth and just walked into a dead end. Time to turn around and try another path. Now you see why I like to walk alone. I have no grand vision that'll lead others to great riches or wealth. All that interests me is the next discovery around the corner, especially enlightening dead ends that enhance the moment. I live to learn about myself, not to create or destroy for others. I am you. We are each other, are we not?