Deprivation

Have you ever watched the flight of a butterfly? I don't mean the butterfly itself but the path the butterfly has taken. I'm sure that philosophers and religious adherents have waxed their semantic surfboards and ridden waves of poetic phrases, sharing them with those whom they wished to enlighten. But that's not what I'm here for.

Instead, I'm thinking of the French word for butterfly, papillon. As in the movie. And its relation to the movie, "Gattaca," which I recently watched (I own DVD copies of both movies). And their artistic relation to the real world and the feeling of being made fun of.

Our civilization, as steady as it has been in the last few decades, has given many of us the opportunity both to plan a path toward a future goal and to obtain the goal. I grew up hearing over and over again about the American Dream and how people from all over the world flock to the United States to reach goals they couldn't get in their birth countries. Now, with the general world civilization enjoying a decade or so of stabilization, the same dreams are being realized in some people's home countries, including so-called developing nations.

Our dreams or goals, are they our own? Rhetorical question. There is no right answer. Perspective makes the difference in your definition of dreams and goals, including your own and that of those around you. Depends on whether you value your place in society or see society as squeezing you into a place you aren't sure you like.

Just like the idea of being made fun of. Do you feel included or excluded? Do you enjoy getting attention, no matter what kind, or do you wish to remain anonymous? Are you so focused on your dreams or goals that you don't care what other people think of you?

This is just a planet, nothing special. We are just one species, nothing unique. Perspective makes the redbud tree outside my window special because it's the only one I can see at this moment but millions of redbud trees grow all over the world, either as one particular species or similar ones. Its lineage as a tree or tall shrub is recorded in sacred cellular scrolls, not flattened pulp made from other trees. I am no different. The dust in my house is largely composed of dead skin, whether my own or from others. The dirt and dust outside my house is composed of dead plants and animals, including other humans. The space between two objects is not empty but my perspective seems to make it so, even though I know the sun's rays are flooding this whole area today, allowing me to see perspective with my eyes.

How badly do you want to reach your goals or dreams? What are you willing to do or risk to stay on your path of success? These questions are not rhetorical. We ask ourselves these questions every day and answer them in what we do.

These are just words. Words have no meaning in and of themselves. Words do not have lives. We refer to them as memes when we bunch them into groups, claiming that messages have lives of their own. But in the millions of blogs written in the moment, very few of them are read by more than the writer. I'll give you a better example. I can boot up one of my old computers and install a program to run that will write poetry from random phrases I feed it, or from the computer's own internal dictionary and set of grammar rules. If I leave the computer alone and let it run the poetry program until the hard drive crashes, the poetry it creates, no matter how insightful the text might make you feel, will affect no one.

Dreams and goals have the same meaning. They only make sense in perspective. I have no desire to make the best paper manila file folder on the market, but someone does. I don't want my house to be so spotless and clean that it looks like no one lives in it, but someone does.

At the same time, someone else is making fun of what you dream about. [And when I say "you," I mean "I," too.]

When I was young, I was aware of when others made fun of me. I typically sat at the front of the classroom (unaware (until I was older) that my doing so was mainly due to poor eyesight) and heard the snickers and saw the notes passed in class referring to me as a teacher's pet. I didn't care. I was told by my parents that my goal was to get the best grades I could, with the assumption that anything less than an A was not best. Being liked/loved by my classmates was not in my goals or dreams. If I had friends, so be it. If not, my family and pets provided all the comfort and companionship I needed. [My sister was more concerned about my peers' view of me than I was and she let me know that others called me geek or nerd, as if that was going to change my behaviour to her benefit, I suppose.]

I consider myself fortunate. I became a millionaire in 2006 because I avoided a lot of the distraction that comes with worrying about what others think about me. I didn't accumulate a lot of boy toys because I had to compete with my peers to avoid being made fun of. I didn't get the habit of smoking or drinking with others that could have eaten up my discretionary budget.

A colleague asked me if I felt deprived because I didn't pursue the big house and the big boat and the big vacation home like all of the rest of the people we know. I looked at him and wondered what he meant by deprivation. I started to make fun of his high mortgage and other outrageous costs that makes him work in a high-pressure job which obviously negatively affects his health. Then I reminded myself it's a matter of perspective. He doesn't see what he has as negative. He doesn't care if once untamed woods are paved to provide lots for vacation homes. He doesn't know if his big boat leaks oil into the local water source. So I just smiled at him and said, yeah, I guess I do, so that he would feel secure in his lifeview.

I don't gain anything by making fun of what people dream about or the goals they wish to reach. I don't have a vested interest in this world. The world belongs to someone else, not me. With that mindset, have I deprived myself of the randomness of a butterfly's flight path by being too focused on a dream or goal? No, I haven't. In fact, my life has had many joyous stops at unexpected bent joints on my path. Otherwise, I wouldn't have anything to write about. At other times, I have walked long miles in sameness.

But my life is not a movie. I can't take quick cuts from one scene to the next to get from one oasis to another. There will be times I have to take long walks through the desert. But I can always find unique moments in those desertlike times. Sand dunes change shape. Plants and animals find niches in desert environments. The stars shine brighter in areas with little light pollution. In my set of myths, Perspective and Opportunity are twin constellations. Let them ever guide me, no matter how lost I may feel at times. Perspective will tell me I'm on the right path. Opportunity will make me feel like I had something to do.