The local campus of ITT Tech canceled classes last night due to the inclement weather. Tornadoes touched down near the homes of a few friends and colleagues. I don't believe anyone I know was personally affected or effected. I left ITT Tech early, driving through water-covered roads to the happy safety of home. Perhaps my état d'esprit was an esprit de vivre (part of my complete joie de vivre)!
I mentioned the change in my world view after the auto accident. This morning, I recalled the moment when I sat in church on the first Sunday after the accident and had a sudden urge to write. I grabbed one of the prayer request forms and wrote in tiny scribbles questioning the need for makeup or other applications of body adornment and wondered why we humans go to such wasteful measures to impress each other and conform with one another. For instance, when did we convince ourselves to throw away a few cents a day on odor and perspiration control? Why are we hiding our natural scents? Why are we covering our natural beauty, including all the wonderful blemishes that distinguish us? Why the worry about symmetry when by now we've discovered that asymmetry is more beautiful?
As these thoughts re-occurred this morning, I also contemplated the role of the artist. Images of an artist I know flashed through my mind, her artwork passing by my mind's eye like a slideshow. Her photography and found-piece beeswax canvas works ask me what do I know about the female form. The rolling gray north Alabama mountain silhouettes in the distance want to know the same thing - what do I know that can be expressed in more than mere words?
I respond that I don't know. Je ne comprends pas. Je ne te connais pas. To comprehend something means to be part of it. I am not part of you. I am not part of the artist in you. The gap between here and there cannot be filled with adornments, however much we try. I want to know you, to see what you see, to hear colors, to feel scents, to get beyond these stark symbols. But I will not. I will try. You will try. We all try.
Somewhere within in 20 miles of this computer, there are people who are picking up the pieces of their lives, sorting out the pink cotton-candy insulation from the artifacts, amateur archaeologists digging for what is truly and only important in the wreckage of what used to be called home. Their spirits, if they have to put words to their tenderized emotional thoughts, do not celebrate the beauty of spring today. They do not question the influence of commercial advertising that adds to their daily spending habits. They would gladly find a tube of lipstick or a stick of antiperspirant that belonged to a quieter lifestyle yesterday.
We live in chaos. Perhaps we compensate by creating habits with no necessary meaning. I don't have to put on clothes when I'm alone at home but I do. In fact, I spend a few minutes each morning thinking about the possible events that will occur and dress accordingly, even though I know that the chance of any one event not occurring is 100%, despite my mental assurances that everything I plan will happen.
In the same thought, I long ago realized that my having a novel achieve popularity is close to nil. I write for people who don't buy Kindles or e-readers but then again they might. I don't write for anyone but myself, or people like me, anyway. I write for and about chaos. I don't want order/formula to put expectations in a base of readers. I use what I have - a limited vocabulary of mostly European words - to put my thoughts down, or the spoken/written thoughts of others, and into characters based on people I know. That's all I can do. It's a limit I can live with, despite frustrating moments when my limits appear as cage walls in my imagination.
I did not progress as far in the 2009 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest as in last year's. I did not expect to. I only wanted professional ("expert") constructive reviews of my writing, which I achieved. I post the two reviews I received of an excerpt of my novel, "A Space, A Period, And A Capital," to pique the interest of those who like my writing, as quirky as it may be:
Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Reviews
ABNA Expert Reviewer:
This is well written. The excerpt jumps around a lot, and there is a touch of paranoia, but in light of who the main character is, that fits well with the reality of what is going on in this story. Lee seems like a nice enough guy. A hard worker, has a loving wife, it sounds as if he has a nice home, but something is going on. Some sort of internal struggle. From what is written it could be an affair, perhaps he knows something about someone having an affair, or maybe he is just tired of keeping everyone's secret. Whatever it is, Lee is not happy. In fact Lee is so unhappy Lee wants to die. If we weren't told that Lee was checking himself into an inpatient Psych ward, this excerpt would have seemed scattered, messy, and rambling. However, because we are given that information right from the start we are given a small idea of how Lee's mind works. We don't know what is torturing him, but we know it is something big. Or perhaps it is just a lot of small things that are eating away at him. What exactly it is, we don't know, but because of the care the author took to set the scene, I sure want to find out.
I want Karen to get her husband back. I want Lee to give up the gun and let the pain go. But most of all, I want to know what the big secret it. I want the answer to the riddle.
ABNA Expert Reviewer:
"A Space, A Period, and A Capital" starts with Lee, the protagonist, and his wife sitting in a hospital waiting room, where they are waiting for Lee to be admitted to the psychiatric ward. Lee has just tried to commit suicide again, so he's checking in. Lee then proceeds to take the reader on a roundabout assessment of his life, his job, and why he is suicidal. The excerpt ends with Lee being admitted, and him being paranoid that the hospital is already watching him.
"A Space, A Period, and A Capital" is too jumpy for a non-crazy reader. I realize that the narrative style is trying to imitate the world of a mentally ill person, but I really had a hard time getting into the story because it shifted gears so fast and so often. I would suggest that the author tone down the random stream of consciousness style. I think some stream of consciousness would be okay, but the author just needs to stay with one topic a little bit longer.
This story could be really interesting if the narrative quirk is worked out, particularly since "The Big Layoff" at Lee's firm is a relevant topic with the current state of the economy and the massive layoffs. I think examining what a layoff does to the psyche is interesting, and this narrative has an interesting perspective on it.
Again, the novel is temporarily available for free download, at:
A Space, A Period, And A Capital: https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1056261
Thanks again to those of you who have already downloaded the novel and sent me comments. I will try to respond to each comment you made, but if I didn't, don't worry. I'm probably contemplating how to include your comments in my next novel or blog entry.
Now I've got to figure out the fish species to put in glass walls in my house for the rest of their lives. We know that gods do not exist but don't tell the fish in my little glass godbox - they'll gladly call me god as long as I feed them and keep them free of predators. ahahaha (attempt at diabolical laugh). I wonder - how many fish do you think escape into local waterways after their owners' homes are destroyed by tornadoes?= = =
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