All The Information We Think You Need

To tell you what we think you need to hear, we took a survey of experts on current topics. We present you the results of the survey:

• According to a survey of witch doctors, the smog will clear today if you remember to take your preventative purge medicine.
• According to a survey of druids, the alignment of oak leaves portends a long drought somewhere nearby while rain will cause others to change their route to success.
• According to a survey of voodoo doctors, your army of zombies will resist you in completing the stimulus recovery construction project you started.
• According to a survey of economists, with their jobs on the line for missing this world downturn, they cautiously predict an optimistic view of the future, with growth occurring sometime soon (but not too soon (and not too late, either)).
• According to a survey of futurists, the future will happen whether we want it or not.
• According to a survey of bookies, there's a 50-to-1 chance that a disaster will cause a wild bet to pay off.
• According to a survey of surveyors, a GPS unit will provide less accuracy than a plumb line when GPS satellites fall from the sky.
• According to a survey of journalists, freedom of the press equates to better pay...but not necessarily for journalists.
• According to a survey, surveys provide less reliable information than going with your gut instinct.

Thanks for reading all the information we think you need. See you again tomorrow so we can prove to our advertisers that we get them the people we think they need to give us the money we know we need.