Wagon Trail

Sitting around a campfire, a pioneer family talked about the day's trip across the prairie.

"Mama, tell them boys of yours the troubles we've seen."

"Well, Ez, seems like when we wuz kids, the snows piled up to the rooftop."

"'At's right, Mama. So you boys better think twice afore complaining about our trek through these lands."

"But, Pa, there's nothing to do out here. Back when we lived in town, there was plenty of kids our age to play with. Now, all we do is sit on the wagon most of the day and then set up camp at night."

"Boy, I oughta smack you up side the head for that kind of back talk!"

"Ma, what's he talking about? I ain't never back talked him."

"Young man, you mind your father. If he says you back talked him, you agree with him."

"Yes'm."

"And you, young feller. Don't you put that smirk on your face. I know what you're thinking."

"What'd I do?"

"You're thinking your older brother's taking the troubles off of your back. You're still in trouble from yesterday."

"Ah, Ma, I always get in trouble for nothing."

"Ain't nothing. You've been going on about when we're getting to our next stop when I told you to take care of business afore we get back in the wagon."

"Mama, leave the boy alone. He's got smaller parts'n the rest of us."

"Ez, that ain't no excuse for knowing you're going to have to stop sooner than if you'd paid a mind to yo'self."

"Reckon you're right about that'n, Mama. Young man, you mind your ma. If she tells you to step over to them bushes afore we leave in the morning, you do as she says."

"Yessir."

"Well, whose turn is it to tell a good story? Mama?"

"The older boy told one last night. Why'nt you tell one tonight, Ez?"

"I'd be obliged. A long time ago, long afore any of us wuz born, there wuz only this wilderness. Not a soul in sight. Just hilltops and treetops and fields of prairie grass. There were large stretches of them pretty flowers that your Mama liked. And plenty of wild fowl for hunting, if there'd been any of us around. 'Cept there ain't. Or weren't, that is."

"How'd you know that, Pa, if there weren't any of us around to know?"

"Boy, this is my story. You just shut your trap and listen. I'll get to the good parts soon enough. Now, in those times, wagons hadn't been invented yet so animals didn't have no good trails to tell them how to get from one place to another. They just went from one patch of grass to one watering hole, day after day, sometimes crossing their own paths many times a day. They weren't in no hurry, neither, so they might spent most parts of a day in one spot.

"Well, one day, these group of animals, they..."

"What kind, Pa?"

"What kind of what, son?"

"What kind of animals were they?"

"They were them grasseating kinds, that's what they wuz."

"Uh-huh."

"Don't you 'uh-huh' me, boy."

"Yessir."

"Anyway, these prairie grass grazers were thinking to themselves, 'All we ever do is eat grass and drink water. Ain't there something else more to do?' Well, you know how they get. One sight of our wagon from far off and they skitter and scatter like...well, like themselves. So, without wagons around, they didn't have nothing to mozy them on up the way. They kept eating and drinking and thinking.

"Well, it weren't long afore they figured out this sort of same thing day after day was not awful but just regular ol' mind-numbing. It was no wonder they did the same thing because there weren't nothing to get them to change their minds. Think about it, boys. If you had the best tasting grass to eat every day and you didn't have no hunters or wagons around, you'd be just as pleased as...well, as yourselves, wouldn't ya?"

"Yessir."

"Yessir."

"Well, one day, this feller was walking across them plains and he saw them grasseaters and told himself, 'Now, if I wuz them, what would I be doing out here?' He watched them from afar and..."

"From a what?"

"From afar."

"Pa, you didn't say nothing 'bout no far."

"I didn't because there ain't no far. That feller ain't seen far 'cept by lightning. Now let me get back to the story. So he watching from a great distance and sees them animals is doing the same thing over and over again. What do you reckon he did?"

"Dunno."

"Well, he figured he'd have himself a little fun. He crawled in the grass until he got right next to them animals and he stands up and hollers at the top of his lungs. Them animals runs as far as their breath'd let 'em. And still some of them run some more. They run until it got dark and then they went back to their ways and sat down to sleep. The next morning, they wake up and go right back to what they wuz doing, eating grass and drinking water. Afore they know it, that feller showed up again and tried to scare 'em. But they was keen on him and weren't falling for the trick a second time. Instead, they ran up on the feller and they ate him!"

"They ate him? Every part of him?"

"That's right, son. They ate his head and his fingers and his toes. Everything!"

"What happened next?"

"Well, them animals, they weren't no longer just grasseaters. They wuz feller eaters. They got a taste for folks and they weren't going back to just walking around eating grass and drinking water. So now, any time a feller walks through them plains, there's them feller eaters not far behind."

"You mean...you mean, out here?"

"That's right."

"Pa, I'm scared."

"Well, boy, now you sees why we stay in this wagon all day. It's not in account of you ain't got no friends to play with out here, it's account of them feller eaters."

"Ma, I don't want to use them bushes in the morning. I'm afraid them feller eaters is out there."

"You don't worry about them feller eaters, young man. They ain't gonna bother you when you're doing your business. They's only interested in you when you're taking off by yourself through them prairie grasses."

"Pa?"

"Yes, boy?"

"How long we got afore we get out of these prairies?"

"Could be a while, son."

"You reckon them feller eaters is looking at us right now?"

"No, son. They go to sleep when the sun goes down. Which is about time for us, too."

"Pa, how come we ain't never seen no feller eaters out here?"

"'Cause you never knew to look for one until now."

"Ez, you scared up the boys enough as it is. Boys, you get up in that wagon and go to sleep yo'self. We'll be with you shortly."