A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Technology

Met a bunch of good locals at the pub last night.  They were joking about my blog, remembering when I was just a snotty punk on the playground, and asking why I hadn't used any of their stuff here.  Well, y'all, here's a few of your ideas from last night:

JOE THE PLUMBER'S DICTIONARY DEFINITION

Gardenification - noun (or that's what we were taught to say in school):

1. A false sense of security, like piling rocks around your yard to keep out snails and deer, caint work for both
2. A false sense of security, like a large military force that can't prevent economic/cybersecurity losses

Hoovobamerville - verb (see noun above):

1. Having your livelihood sucked out from underneath you. (example: "I heard you lost your job."  "Yeah, I got hoovobamervilled by The Man.")

Hoovobamerville - noun (see verb reference to noun above):

1. A gathering of regular, unemployed folks who've set up residences in abandoned subdivisions
2. A self-declared, tax-free, mortgage-free, rent-free, utilities-free area that includes folks and their places in definition number 1, where out-of-work technology workers (following the recent example of Israel) create false identification papers for the new class of the permanently unemployed for these areas in which they live (following the example of Soweto); newborns will be registered in the name of the new townships, not the so-called countries in which their parents were abandoned by authorities who only catered to the rich and powerful

Textduping - noun or verb, we couldn't decide

1. Seeing someone in public watching you, obviously listening to your conversation while texting, so you and your companions make up false stories that the texter passes on unknowingly (example: "Honey, what do you think of my new blouse?  Does it make me look fat?"  "Wife, you know me.  I only have three requirements when it comes to clothes - 'One, show up naked, two, in bed, three, with beer.'" "Honey, are you serious or are you textduping that girl looking at us?")

Bobduping - same as textduping above

1. Thinking you're electing a member of your own party who crosses party lines because his American Idol daughter wants more time in the limelight and hopes her whole family becomes reality TV stars, taking over CSPAN as the next Presidential family like "The Truman Show" or "EdTV" (and hopefully a little latenight "Girls Next Door" for the non do-gooder/churchy crowd)

= = =

While I do not agree with many of the definitions you gave me, I had and still get a good chuckle out of your sense of humour.  I couldn't remember your exact term or definition for the false scare governments use when shouting words like "SARS" or "deadly, heinous flu virus" so maybe next time you can remind me at our weekly darts and draughts game.

= = =

I checked on the tip a reader gave me who wrote me about the government's secret testing of DNA on all money exchanging hands in Morristown, Tennessee, USA, which pointed to who was being paid cash for work and not paying taxes but instead using the money to buy drugs or send money orders to family in other countries.  My inside source tells me several bureaucracies are coordinating their efforts to gather evidence and sweep up whole sections of the town for illegal activity, thus setting a precedent for the rest of the country.  Right now, they're developing a marketing plan to sell the idea of internment camps so that they look like drug rehabilitation centers.  More as I receive details on this matter.  Also, I'll let you know that a few bureaucracies are opposed to this idea because they know the money being sent to other countries helps stabilise the economies of the bordering countries, which creates a nonmilitarised buffer zone while this country continues to overextend its military reach.

In the maritime, a network of naval vessels has been identified as the source of cyberattacks.  Turns out yet-to-be-identified monetary sources have funded centrally-planned training exercises that include farming out tiny computer code development to both people and cyberbots so that no one person or zombie machine can understand/show what is really going on.  The purposes of these exercises vary from gaining military secrets to getting "dirt" on adversaries in all walks of life so that large-scale population manipulation can be accomplished at the macro- and microscale simultaneously.  Schoolchildren's homework exercises and automechanic training manuals have been linked together in this massive scheme.

Experts are stumped - how to stop this complete infiltration of life as we know it without causing total chaos?  How many people's new hybrid vehicles are now working for this underground cyberattack network?  Are smartphones involved?  What about artificial limbs?  Home wireless networks?  Coffee shop WiFi links?  Your dog's embedded ID chip?  People want to know!  I can't tell you how many of my well-educated readers are hounding me for more information about this new revelation.

To be honest, there's a shakedown going on inside my own loose network of associates (or "solo operatives," for those who like spylike terminology).  We work for no one and know we pass information inertly, which means we feed predators and prey alike.  Our greater goals have no time limit and have waxed and waned with the vagaries of fashion, fame, and fortunes of our peoples.  Every generation of our associates faces this dilemma - how strongly do we nudge us along?  Since defeat and setback is only a historical perspective and not fact, what do we do about those who've put new technology to use on the global population (use, I might add, that hinders our greater goals, at least temporarily)?

As always, an afternoon of meditation will reveal which parts of the Book of the Future I should next record for your reading entertainment.  Until next time, random readers!