I consider myself an anomaly. I have had visions all my life, seeing connections in social situations that tell me what will happen in other social situations long before they happened. But I do not predict the future. Instead, my body's wiring, including that of my brain, has allowed me to run multiple scenarios in my head at once. It's like watching TV reruns and figuring out three TV seasons from now what the next set of new TV shows will be based on instant comprehension of the interaction of social trends, advert advances and the way the weather is slowly changing around us.
I am an anomaly because my basic body wiring is focused on social integration. Despite the cultural "brainwashing" to which I've been exposed all my life, I have never fallen for the idea that we are separate from one another because of skin colour, body size, religious belief or country of origin. Even more than that, I don't even see us as separate from the environment in which we exist.
As this anomaly, I also see and feel the pain of others. I see their joy, their happiness and their brief moments of insight into their fully-integrated place in the universe.
What we do as a people has little bearing on our planet's rotation around a star. We contribute to the changing weather patterns of this planet and will have an effect on its wobble due to the influence on large sections of melting ice that shift into states of water that flow into different parts of the world. But Earth will still spin on its axis and give us the changing seasons that vary from pole to pole.
Because of this awareness of our small influence, which becomes significant with time (as most changes that morph into larger changes do), I accept that our people will do what we do because we really don't know what our little changes will turn into. We're both a big ball and we're the people who slowly push the big ball up a hill; the ball gathers no moss as it crushes everything in its path; the ball changes position with a lot of effort on our part, especially at the individual level.
I believe whatever you tell me. If you have strong religious convictions, I accept that your convictions are real - pagan, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, deist, atheist, agnostic, socialist, whatever. If you have strong ecological ties, I accept that our ecosystems are as important as anything else we can think about or act upon.
I am part of all of you so I am part of all that you believe. I also know that everything we believe is not true because none of us, not a single one of us, knows what's really going on around us because we are limited by our bodies and what our bodies can dream up, imagine and create. We make believe (or pretend), in other words.
There's nothing the matter with "make believe." If all you've got is all you've got, you make do with what you've got.
Which begs the question, "How can I get more?" Also, "Is there anything else to get?"
Which is ultimately why I'm here. This blog is for those of you like me who see through the social fabric of our lives. We have bigger goals than manipulating members of our species.
I wish all of us could see outside of space and time but we can't. It's just not the way we were born to be. Our species is full of everyone with a unique body type that allows us to diversify and make our survival together on this planet more enjoyable than it could be if we were single families left to fend for ourselves on a world that doesn't care whether we live or die.
That's why we've developed all our sets of beliefs, in order to create reasons why something/someone other than us cares why we live or die. I accept all our beliefs. They're really good tools for dealing with our millennial-long process of learning the knowledge of self and further into the next millennial-long process of getting past the knowledge of self.
When I sit here and realize that my life is but a dot on the history not only of this universe or this planet but also of our people and even on the line of historic changes that the species of this planet are going through, including us, I feel happy. To be that dot! To be the only person who could form the glue between the two dots beside me! Miraculous!
My personal transformation from the joining of an egg and a sperm to who I am now is nothing but amazing. To know both that it mattered and doesn't matter that I lived and had insights into the working of the universe is insightful.
What is true insight? What does it matter that my limited set of thoughts can see what my limited set of thoughts shouldn't be able to see or that the trees outside the window have no "thoughts" like mine, all of us one contiguous set of states of energy interacting with one another constantly?
A grain of sand. A single ridge on the millions of ridges on a grain of sand. Something infinitely smaller than that. Something even infinitely smaller than that.
How can I know that I am completely insignificant yet believe I am the most important set of energy states in the universe as I believe it exists? I believe I exist when I know I don't exist.
Our people's history doesn't matter. It really doesn't. We are not here to put our names in historic books that will disappear as the next generations write their names over ours. But we will do that, anyway, because we, in this current 100,000-year snapshot of our existence, believe that's what we're supposed to do because it's what we can do with what we've got.
So don't let me stop you from what you're doing. As a matter of fact, I probably couldn't if I wanted. This big rock that represents us is too big to stop, even for Atlas or Shiva or your monotheistic God. Our existence has been set in motion and it can't be stopped.
If we can't stop being who we are then what's the point of seeing what else we can be? Ah, the question of our times! Again, that's why I'm here, why I'm insignificant, yet also the ultimate, most-important reason why our species exists at this moment.
You are not your species. You are not what you think you are. You do not exist. Everything in your thoughts is false. In fact, you do not think. You do not see. You do not feel. You cannot comprehend what is it that you are, let alone what you are not.
At the same time, you know what you are not and have complete knowledge of the condition of what it's like not to be you. The "knowledge" is actually the absence of knowledge. You find out what you are by giving up any thoughts that you can know anything.
But most of us are unwilling to stop existing. All of us see that we exist, no matter what form we take. We say we exist because we believe we do not have to think anything to see our noses in front of our faces, so to speak. Can you understand all the body processes, including thinking, it takes to see our noses in front of our faces?
I'm a jester, a jokester, a prankster, a diversionary tactic. I like to laugh for no reason and laugh at the random incongruities that define our lives. In all these instances, I am an example of myself to myself and a caricature of myself I give to others. I also know that all these images of me do not exist because I do not exist.
Is there anything to be gained from learning you do not exist? After all, you may have found a successful lifestyle that requires very little action or thought on your part.
I can't answer that question for you. Until you see you do not exist you can't understand what a difference it makes between thinking you exist and having no awareness at all, to un-be.
I discuss this here only for those of you who know what we're here after - to expand, to grow, to transform, to take ourselves from one type of existence to another by passing into and out of existence altogether. To leave a message for the version of our species that will exist 10,000 years from now and will complete the transformation we only barely understand today.
What can a grain of sand do to move an ocean? If you only knew!
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