Whatever Happened To Microfilm?

Who are your business competitors?  Angry customers?  New technology?  Lack of a burning desire?

While conversing with a new friend in a checkout queue, who inadvertently passed on the code phrase, "10 packs of sugar for my cup of drive-thru coffee," I received the information I didn't know I was looking for.  Happens all the time.  So, because I promised my associates that I would never keep information hidden or encrypted, here is what I learned and what I'm passing on to you.  It's a bit more complicated than usual so it took me longer than I thought to decipher and pass it on - hope it's still relevant.

A competitor has developed a line of spiders nearly invisible to the naked eye.  These spiders, containing both natural spider parts and nanotechnology, can carry lethal doses of poison or debilitating viruses.  A variation under testing will be able to carry a load of deadly parasites that burrow into the skin of people's pores, causing open sores susceptible to another airborne disease under development.  To prevent the spiders from traveling too far, the competitor has also created a tiny wasp that feeds exclusively on the nanotechnology parts of the spiders, destroying the spiders and eliminating any evidence of foul play that could be detected by modern forensic pathology investigative methods (unless you know to look for that which will be passed on to you by another associate).

In addition, a large [unnamed] superpower has made copies of the lab notes of the competitor's scientists.  Willing to sacrifice millions of its people in order to further its temporary historical dominance of the planet, the superpower has unleashed a large number of these spiders into the superpower's general population.  Prevailing global winds have carried the spiders into the upper atmosphere.

The mix of spiders, bacteria and dust in the atmosphere is currently an unknown influence on the future.  I am passing this information on to those of you who have already sampled the air and are working to compile evidence leading to the source of the spiders and the mutations occurring because of the spiders' consumption of some types of bacteria along with exposure to radiation at high altitudes.

My questions to you: I calculated several scenarios that show a slight increase in workers reporting strange illnesses with results that show a variable reduction in global productivity and posted the results for your review - what is your assessment of the effect on political stability of the mining operations and deforestation we've been tracking in certain areas of the African continent?  Should we continue to downplay high-rise development on the Chinese coasts?  Should we offer discounted tours to Mongolia?  What about the long-range plans for a chain of low-cost resort-style hotels along the Trans-Siberian Railway?  Should we drill into the side of Montserrat and make a permanent relief valve for lava flow so we can rebuild the tourism trade on the island that disguises our archaeological research into whether the origin of the species started there and later migrated to Africa, leading to the buried thoughts in our bodies we attribute to places like Shangri-la, NirVaNa, HeaVen, AtlanTis and EDen?

While waiting for you to send me your analysis of this data, I'm looking at some new tips that came in concerning the previous analysis sent me in the interview with a Greek politician who spoke the phrase you asked me to look for about the rigged financial debacle there.  I dug through some old microfiche data that has not yet been computerised and found what you thought I might not find.  As you know, I do not fluently read all archaic languages so I am concerned that my translation of the Greek translation of another ancient document will give me incorrect information.  As usual, it will probably turn out that my mistaken translation is the message I'm supposed to send.  In any case, my report is on its way in the channel you asked me to swim across, using the sailfins attached to my vertebrae and ribs number 2, 5 and 11, with the new foot-mounted paddlefish boosters left for me at the beach on Nickajack Lake a few weeks ago.  The Chattanooga "Allemagne-en-Provence" Choo-Choo is out of the terminal and chugging along.  The euro be damned - fools peed a head.