Operation Petticoat Junction Runway

"Cap'n, we've got a problem."

"I trust the opinion of a chief warrant officer. What is it, Swbovka?"

"Well, sir, it appears the submariners in the engine room want to put on a fashion show."

"Don't they know we're at war, sailor?"

"Yes, sir. That's why they want to put on the show. They think it'll ease the tension on the boat."

"I see. And what do you think?"

"Sir, I do not think. I follow orders."

"Good answer. I give you permission to speak frankly."

"Sir, they want to call the show Das Boot. Other than my objection to the title, I believe the crew would get a thrill out of the performance."

"And what's your objection to the title?"

"Sir, as you know, Das Boot is the name of a movie about a German submarine. The bravery of the men aboard that sub should be honored and not made fun of."

"Objection denied. Let them have their fun. I can see the two meanings to the title, both a sub and an article of clothing."

"Yes, sir."

"And they thought it was going to make life difficult to put women on board!"

"Well, sir, it's not actually the women putting this on."

"It's not?"

"No, sir. It's the part of the crew that we don't ask and they don't tell us about."

"Interesting. What do the women think of the performance?"

"They think it'll be great. They say it's an icebreaker they've been looking for."

"See, Swbovka. Not as bad as you thought it would be."

"No, sir. Should we broadcast the show to the Chinese and Russian subs following us around in circles?"

"Excellent idea. Speaking of icebreakers, let's make a hole in this thin Arctic ice and invite our adversaries over while our leaders argue about who gets which piece of what used to be Afghanistan for themselves. Keep up the good work."

"Yes, sir."