Win, Place or Show?

In my life, I've enjoyed the company of others while negotiating a deal, or rather I've enjoyed discussing business relationships with those who decided to sit down, stand up or be with me during our waking hours. I have actually never negotiated a deal. In fact, the whole phrase "negotiating a deal" is a lot of hogwash, only used by those outside business to imagine what business is like.

Business is life. If you find yourself negotiating your way through your life, having to cut deals, make compromises, celebrate triumphs, and generally go from moment to moment waiting for the next negotiation, then you will find yourself in a business situation negotiating a deal for others to accept you for who you are in relation to business transactions.

Not me. My life is my life, not yours or anyone else's. If by chance we happen to meet because our lives in the moment include looking at objects we want someone else to share with us, then let's talk. Otherwise, you're in a game show I want nothing to deal with.

For instance, right now I'm staring at some people you might call members of a crime syndicate. They want to syndicate this column and create a new identity for me so that I can go global with a blog, a YouTube-type video commentary, a radio show, a TV show and the usual merchandising rights I have made fun of in previous blog entries. In exchange, I'll consult for them, using my underground, aboveground, and other connections to help them go legit, beginning with franchising me. What does $250k in just asking for the use of my talents convert to other currencies? I'm not sure if $20M is sufficient to cover my living expenses, being without an agent for this tiny signing bonus. Does 30% of revenue make sense, considering I'll only have 10% ownership to start with, with the option to buy more of myself?

These issues are not your concern. I am the one who has to decide if the price of my freedom is worth giving up my former name for membership in a club that allows me to more greatly influence the real flow of money throughout the areas I travel. Your concern is only that of losing faith in my writing. Will I still be honest, making fun of my friends (always ignoring my enemies, not even bothering to give them the courtesy of mentioning their names in this blog - those lowdown, dirty dogs know who they are), or will I, in your belief, start showing the influence of my investors?

The decision is easy. I have a destiny with some friends for a roundtrip cruise around the moon, complete with weightless spa treatments and DNA rejuvenation to finish paying for. Will I lose some of you readers besides the ones I've insulted with humour (or should I say the ones too sensitive to take a joke)?

Don't take it personally. I still love all of you and like most of you. But money is still money. It doesn't make the world go around or save the whales but it does make me go around the world in high style.

Pretentious, pompous ass - go ahead and think it of me. I enjoy name-calling. But, as usual, you try your "great white bread hope" crap on me and you'll take a ride down the shitter. Think of the ride as confirmation whether the toilet water circulates in your hemisphere clockwise or counterclockwise.

I'll see the rest of you in the Hall of Heroes. And don't say that I think I belong up there on a pedestal with the rest of our species who had eternal foresight. I'm just there to polish the brass rails and sweep the floor for your grand entrance. It's really all about you who care about our species. I'm just this guy with a kink in his armoire. Short-sightedness is for those of you who light the fuse on a stick of dynamite and forget about the hand covered with super glue - you're all over yourself with memory loss - too sticky for my tastes.