What's up? Good time family matters!

"Frau im mond."

"What did you call me?"

"Frau Merkel, we haf many vorries. Your policies are lunacy."

"I send you to Englisch-Schule and yet you still cannot talk like one. Was ist los?"

"You cannot appeal yourself like you are a movie star. Marlene Dietrich is not known to our people any longer."

"I have many things to get off my chest."

"Getting off is one thing, Madame Chancellor, and exposing the cleavage of one's country is one thing."

"These things always come in two, or pairs, do they not? Why your worry?"

"We worry no more. Let us move to more modest matters. We have followed the Western cowboy from Blazing Saddles and have brought you an expert colleague."

"Cleavage or Cleavon, did you say?"

"No, Madame Chancellor, we have brought you one versed in higher Octavian knowledge."

"Bring him forth to me. These local elections will be rigged later, I'm sure."

"Whoa, Mama! Hidey ho."

"I am not your mama. Who are you?"

"Have no fear, the Urk Man is here!"

"Madame Chancellor, I present to you your new adwiser, Steve Urkel."

"Look what you did!"

"And his partner, J.J."

"Dy-no-mite!"

"Hello, men. Welcome to my world. I must admit I do not know you. Can you tell me more about yourselves that I may understand why your advice will make my situation more...how do you say it?...more popular?"

"Ma'am, you're doing all the talking with those things."

"The German press exaggerates."

"Not from my angle."

"I cannot rule the world by bouncing around."

"Ma'am, we've seen the world from the top. Paris Hilton has ruled without those things on her. And you've got brains! We're here to even out the situation."

"If these things improved economic conditions, half the population would be queens."

"Honey, you'd don't know the half of it."

"Yet, look across the channel. The only queen I see over there is a dowdy old woman."

"Madame Chancellor, we haf another special guest to join the private adwisory group."

"Now, listen here. Birth is like taking your upper lip and wrapping it over the top of your head while coughing up a watermelon."

"You, I know. You are Bill!"

"Fat Albert, I'm not."

"Gentlemen, have a seat. Let's get down to business. What can you do to make my country great again?"

"You need to change your image."

"My image? I am very popular. Do you think the German people would select a woman if she was not popular?"

"You are referring to the Billary complex? Yes, we've seen that, too. One must not allow oneself to get mixed in with others. That's why we like the fact you have lifted and separated yourself."

"Cross our heart, we're telling the truth here, ma'am. Such miracles are not just Victoria's secret."

"Yes, yes. I am open to your suggestions. What do suggest I do?"

"Health care is in season, unlike our TV shows."

"Health care? Is that all? I thought you Americans wanted to be world leaders. Domestic policies are for schmutzes. I want bigger fish to fry."

"Fried food? Ma'am, although fried food can be delicious, let's not get carried away with stereotypes. I have a PhD, you know."

"And I am married to a quantum chemist. I know the need for strong education. Let's move on."

"We see it like this. In bad times, you've got to give the people some upbeat entertainment. Throw out some catchy phrases."

"While being a geek like me!"

"Men, I like your style but I am busy. Do you have concrete suggestions for me?"

"Ma'am, when I created the Cosby kids, I gave each one of them a voice of their own, letting them speak for themselves, so to speak. This one-sided deal with Magna is...well, while on one side you've got Canada, Russia and China and on the other side you've got the U.S. and the E.U., it seems like your assets aren't what they used to be. Your unemployment figure's looking good but time and age catch up with all of us."

"What are you saying? These Americanisms do not translate."

"Ma'am, you can be honest with us. Are you really interested in getting re-elected or is something else up your sleeve? Just cause you've got a Thatcher-like iconic image doesn't mean your fists are made of iron. You can be forgotten easily. Does the name John Major ring a bell?"

"Who?"

"See what I'm saying. Urkel, do your Merkel skit."

"I've fallen and I can't get up!"

"J.J.?"

"Remember, I don't do standup anymore - my character's doing comic books. I'm probably sold to the Disney regime by now. I'll probably show up as a fish at the bottom of an Ariel-Nemo ménage à trois homage romance with Namor the Sub-Mariner, forever memorialized with my line, 'Dy-no-mite.'"

"Herr J.J., Nobel would be proud of you."

"Thank you."

"So, gentlemen, I have an appearance to make. What is your final offer to improve my image?"

"Put an Israeli, a Saudi, and an Iranian on the Opel board of directors and let them negotiate the deal. You'll get a bargain for your people and look good in the international press."

"Das ist wunderbar! And for you, gentlemen, what can I do?"

"Well, we've got this idea for a German sitcom, with us in starring roles, of course. Sort of like Metropolis meets A Raisin In The Sun."

"Sehr gut. Show me a pilot episode when I return. We have many more good times to celebrate, you and I."

"Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. And I'll gladly let you other guys go ahead and call our act the Bill Cosby Show. In fact, I'd be honored."

"Bill, you've got enough honors as it is. Like you said, let's leave this one in charge of the lady."

"'Madame Chancellor.'"

"Like you said. Merkel, I'm Urkel. Glad to've met you. Got any cheese?"