1000 #10 Staples

I'm not a paper pusher. I'd rather file my nails or change the oil in my car. But I've got to be here, typing up this report, so hang with me while I report what I saw and then we can go out for a few drinks some other time. Okay?

When did it become obvious? I don't know. I feel like it was happening my whole life. My wife started getting restless, going to strange events. Said she was getting therapy. At 9 o'clock at night?

Stick to the chain of events. So, earlier tonight, I saw a twinkle in her eye, like she was on something. Now, my wife, she's clean as a whistle. Never touches nothing stronger than a glass of wine. Occasionally, a shot of liqueur but that's it.

I'm reaching for drink straws right now. You know what I mean? Sunk to the bottom of the bayou while gigging for frogs, out of breath and needing a reed or straw to get air. Happens to all of us, right?

So's I followed her. She drove slow and straight, completely unaware of the cars beside or behind her, letting me follow her like we're riding the old tandem bike when we's was dating.

She pulled into a regular gated neighbourhood, rent-a-cop on duty, waves me through when I flash my badge. I go with her to the clubhouse.

Now this is the part I want you to notice. My wife and I got out of our cars at the same time and she doesn't even look back and notice me. All the years of my training and she's not checking around like I's always told her to? See what I mean? Weird.

I walked into the building after she's entered. I took my time and followed a couple of other ladies just as doped up as my old lady. Strange.

Well, we got inside and it's like a face makeup convention sort of thing. The women, and a few guys, are standing around making small talk and showing each other their new clothes and accessories.

Had I ever heard of this special figure before that night? Maybe. But nothing that stands out like. All of a sudden, everyone stands up and starts clapping, no announcement or nothing precipitating their action.

Out from behind me comes this person, almost perfect. Yeah, that's right. Like there was an aura them palm readers talk about. Only it wasn't real, I don't think, like an illusion or something.

And another one came out. Another one after that. And I don't know, maybe one or two more. Say, five in total.

Them ladies and the guys were surrounding these figures.

The figures themselves were interesting. They were no race or color I can tell you about. They weren't exactly male or female. Weird, I know. You've read my other reports so you know how I take pride in recording every detail. Except there weren't no details to put down. Human. Average height. Other than that? Well, I can't be sure.

And next thing I know I'm back home in bed. Not a thump on the head or a needle stick in arm. I mean like snapping your fingers. I know what you're thinking. No, I didn't drink or eat anything at the facility. I breathed but so did everyone else in the room.

Know what else? I feel better. Healthier like. As if I'd taken up running again. That's why I'm typing up this report now because I'm going to the gym to work out, see if I've still got the ironman triathlon body hidden in all these flabs.

By the way, before I forget to tell you, when I woke up, my wife was next to me, her angelic face smiling. I haven't asked her about the earlier part of the evening but I will. I promise. And I'll turn in another report, too. We'll get this put together, you and I, and sort out if there's a drug problem in the precinct that we don't know about yet. Damn if I want my wife involved in something illegal. Reflects badly on me and on our unit. Know what I mean?