Othello

"Hark, my advisors. What doth thy bring to my beached isle? These Maine waves are away with two breath-taking."

"Would that we could rhyme with rapture, milord. Henceforth, let us return to our legalese. We Lilliputians prefer living in the world of fine print."

"And when did this perversity return? Did not the cards upon which I credit my people include lenses for magnifying the truth as we want them to see it?"

"We humble ourselves before you. Your continental shiftiness is Nixonian in stature, Romanian in stealth and Nigerian in coddling the cape."

"And so you shall be. Quit your groveling. I don't have all day. Show me the scroll!"

"Yes, your majesty. Pardon the smudges. Our aged, winded, distrusted people pleasers have scribbled their dog-blue signatures over top of one another, scrambling to be the first to be forgotten in immoralizing their constitutions."

"Indeed! As I have commanded! I will not be ridiculed by my reflection. [Post-holiday appearances being this office's specialty.] Tell me what it says!"

"Three shells shall you have. No more and no less. Do not depend upon oils of shell or mobil oils to increase the count to four - there's no profit in it like the gum arabic your predecessor anointed himself with. The crowd knows you. They expect you to deceive them. So you shall. Now listen medic-carefully. The headline's to your advantage. You cannot hide a pile of dough under a 10-gallon hat...well, actually an 8-gallon hat, inflation being what it is, keeping prices the same while giving your...I mean, our audience less upon which to sink their false teeth into. Thus, we've slipped a check, cashable in the future, under this shell. Taped to the inside, mind you, so you needn't worry about rubber baby bumper buggies jumping out and bouncing in your stretch at the top. Here's the deal. The people want this shell to show them what you haven't got. Fifty million of them, on paper at least, will watch and wait, their retail jobs on hold."

"I have to hold up fifty million peasants all at once? Preposterous. Haven't I already spoken about their need to get up on their meth-stained feet and shoulder the load? Here. Take these wretched actor's clothes. One more comparison of me to his sidekick, Bonzo, and you're back to bilking junk bonds in derivative mortgaged walled street bonuses. The world's at your feet and wants your fat-cat stuffings for their own. Give me more to work with or I'll feed you to them!"

"As you wish. Here, with forethought, is the insurance you'll need. Discuss the possibility of their earning a seat on their own death panel."

"Haven't you seen my script? 'Death panel' is not in my soliloquy."

"Then use this elliptical moment for extemporaneous work. Call it the new cafeteria, where desserts should cost less than the main course, where some have enjoyed three, five or even seven courses and responsibility to your health includes paying attention to gluttony. Do the people want to starve their own children? Of course they do. But not when you make their world a stage. Mike them. Let them see themselves on the backdrop, big as day. Drawing their silhouette was a good start. But we have caricature artists on retainer now. Ham it up and we'll supply the rest of your meal."

"And the other shell?"

"Sire, if incumbency is your bed of lettuce, two shells are plenty. We reserve that carbonated cap-and-trade cup for lame ducks."

"I see. You have reformed my education. My deficit to you is through the roof."

"Roof, sire? We have no planet big enough to hide the debt of gratitude you have shown us. As citizens, your people owe it all to you."

"Without a ha' penny of Change to spare. Just as I dreamed. [Or one like me.]"

"Do you want to rehearse for your second act?"

"I bask in the glory. Let me enjoy this view from the top, loved by all, the best, the first..."

"The poles are dropping! The poles are dropping!"

"And who be you who interrupts my magazine cover moment?"

"Ruler upon the most high, we have word the crowds are dropping poles."

"What care I about the heavy tolls my people pay to carry poles? They earn their keep and pay me with half their earnings! Are they unpleased because they do not give me enough?"

"Sire, without their poles we cannot build more fortresses to hold the loot upon which we tie our bonds to the other fiefdoms."

"Out with you, damn waterspout. Merlin the Ben will concoct a way to borrow my way out of this mess. I will give my people one more year to love me again! They'll forget this moment as they've forgotten all the other moments, like an octuplet's octuplet bearing more. Scribe! I'm ready for Act Two. Write me a scene where I bear my patience for the people's understanding with dignity. Make me look humble. Make me look serene. A long, drawnout tear at an Irish Catholic's wake is usually timely."

"Yes, milord."

"And make my opening scene in Act Two a surprise. We'll catch the standbys of the hopeful Midlothian electorates off-guard. My agenda will not be stopped by being one short of 60."

"But, sire, you are not yet 50."

"I can count. History's on my side, you see. I can withstand this, having Teflon in the pan."

"Teflon?"

"You are too young to remember. Teflon was invented before your time. But still timeless! And you questioned anyone comparing me to the state's secretary's relations. To be or not to be not's the question. I'm all that ever was! I, too, can sting like a bee. Speaking of which, might be time to call on the Thrilla from Manila."

"In Act Two?"

"Let's wait 'til Act Three. Act Two's a bridge we soon forget. Let's celebrate Saracen brotherhood toward the end."