Dr. Kalamari

"There you are. I've been looking all over the place for you."

"But I haven't left this spot since you went to the lab this morning."

"I know. It was a good excuse to go shopping, though."

"Of course, darling, you're right."

"I always am, dear."

"How was work today?" Mikishium looked at his wife's lab coat and noticed some new stains.

"You know how it is...frustrating."

"Uh-huh."

Lyrethia smiled. "Well, I finally got in."

Mikishium sat up. "You did?!"

"Yes, and it's just what we thought."

"That's fantastic. So what's next?"

"Let's go out to dinner."

On the road, they chatted about plans for the weekend. They pulled into the carpark for Red Lobster but decided the queue was too long. They drove from place to place, backtracking and then changing their minds, all subconsciously leaving a trail behind them that made no sense. Marriage of the body and thoughts was the best kind of business agreement. They finally decided to drive north and stop at The Main Dish, a restaurant they'd enjoyed many months before.

After sitting at the end of the restaurant farthest away from an acoustic Southern rock band, and placing their order with server no. 11, they looked at each other for a while.

"It's more than I dreamed about."

"Are they as paranoid as we figured them to be?"

"More so. They run background checks on the people who run background checks on the company hired to do background checks. And they still don't trust the results so many of them rerun background checks on each other to see who's manipulating the background reports."

"And?"

"They want us...I mean, me...they want me to set up a series of false presentations that I'm to give at an upcoming conference, making sure certain slides are slipped to an industry e-magazine anonymously."

"No way!"

"Yes, way. Of course, they want this presentation put together on a system that is untouchable, disconnected from networks and practically useless."

"Incredible. As if they know the old equipment we have stored in the garage and basement." He winked at his wife.

She winked back. "As if..."

They ate in silence, she having the roast beef special and he the chicken-stuffed potato. While they ate, the band performed a medley of banned songs, including "Dixie," "Battle Hymn of the Republic," "Hey Jude," "Margaritaville," "Sweet Home Alabama," and "Rocky Top." The crowd in the other room roared and chanted for an encore.

"Do you remember the last time you heard those songs?"

"Gosh, that had to have been in '24, I guess."

"Was it that long ago?"

"I believe so. Probably during the Great Purge."

"I guess you're right."

"I'm always right, dear."

"Of course. So when do we start?"

"First of all, we need to go over the documentation they gave me."

"They gave it to you?"

"Honey, stay with me here, okay? Listen to me and not that server's backside. Anyway, I can't go over it now. Let's plan it for our honeymoon trip."

"Sounds great. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. Let me think about it."

"Sure. You want dessert?"

"Okay. While you were looking at her eyes and dreaming about her chest, the server told us they had free carrot cake tonight."

"Free?" Mikishium raised his eyebrows.

"I know. They're still trying to sterilize the population here, but if I don't eat it, it'll raise suspicions."

"Fine. I'm having the fried Oreo cookies, though."

"No problem."

"By the way, the 'opossum' has been patrolling our yard and house again."

"Really? I thought they'd stopped that."

"No, of course not. But I programmed a set of ticks to infect and shut down the animal's central processing system. I expect to find an opossum playing dead in the backyard by tomorrow afternoon."

"Well, don't leave it there too long. That last one was too much for me. I don't want my house smelling like the dead meat aisle at Wal-Mart."

"Gee, take away my fun. Do you know how interesting it is to watch flies and maggots go through their development cycles?"

"No, and I don't want to."

"Aww, come on."

"Here's our server. I'll take the carrot cake and he'll have the fried Oreos."

"Very good. I'll return in a moment."

Mikishium admired the server's form. "You know, I always wondered why the Japanese were fascinated with creating robotic servants. Seems to me that a half-million dollar chunk of metal is a waste. I mean look at this place, stuck in another time. Why not hire beautiful young men and women at minimum wage and you can have a whole staff for the price of one cold machine?"

"Darling, a machine is not allowed to sue for low wages or unacceptable living conditions."

"Dear, we are practically machines ourselves."

"But there's a difference. We're organic life forms, based on a species. That's why they passed laws regulating the amount of organic material that defines a..."

"I know, I know. Sorry, I was just thinking about life before the Great Realization."

"For a guy who thinks he's in the moment, you sure think about the past a lot."

"All moments are the same. I think about everything all at once."

Lyrethia sighed. "Don't remind me. Some days I wonder why they paired me with an Integration model."

"Because I complete you."

"You really think so? I thought you said our fathers arranged our marriage when we were children."

"They did. In their time, they could still follow old customs. We're just lucky that our fathers belonged to the same Neighbourhood Watch group."

"That's a euphemism for you! Speaking of which, here's dessert. Let's eat."