Note to You - 5th August 2009

An outdoor dining table tent serves as a seasonal cover for my 1995 BMW 325i 4-door sedan. From the corners of the tent, hooks on tops of the pillars hold ropes which secure the tent to the ground via stakes or heavy objects like a bag of gravel. One of the ropes serves as a skyway for ants who've established a nest somewhere in my car.

On this sunny Wednesday, I hear the rise and fall of insects' rhythmic clicking in the trees. Sounds of our species echo 'round me - vehicle traffic mainly.

I sit by myself, in thought only, because the rest of the universe surrounds me, helping me keep my place.

You've probably enjoyed the summer with your family, your daughter temporarily home from college. Your sister mentioned that your daughter had visited her aunt - I'm glad to hear your and your sister's kids put family in their travel plans.

I thought of you this past weekend while describing to friends the organization, Sing Out Kingsport, and some of the places we visited. [Right now, a group of tufted titmouse birds squawk and talk to some chickadees - turf war?] Turned out that one friend, aged 63, would have joined Up With People had he not been in his last year of medical school so he was fascinated by the local "chapter" in Kingsport.

I can't remember if you're still working. I retired in 2007 and started my own business, consulting for some friends in town on occasion. Lately I have taught classes at ITT Technical Institute, finding myself solidly in my father's shadow as a college-level instructor.

I've written this far and am still not sure why I'm here. Perhaps the book I'm reading, "Foucault's Pendulum," has pushed me onto this paper. Does it really matter why as long as the "what," my writing you personally, occurs?

Your sister mentioned to me her concern about you in regard to the "empty nest" syndrome, wondering who you'll become after your primary mothering years are behind you when both kids are gone. I told her not to worry. I also told her a little bit about our friendship because I gathered from her concern that she thought you and I were boyfriend and girlfriend in the classic sense. I think she understands a little more about our relationship as it stood, what, 25 years ago?

I admit I don't know you now. We shared several fun events together for a few years but how much of who we were remains in who we are I cannot say.

Recently I reconnected with a previous girlfriend to see who she is and what she's doing. Our new virtual relationship, via email, followed almost the same short path of similar interests before I decided to break off communications because she was interested in renewing sexual relations while I was not.

However poorly it ended, the experience of getting to know the new version of a previous girlfriend taught me that 30 years had not dampened one person's enthusiasm for another - we still held the old flames for each other despite our love for our spouses, the only difference being that she wanted and was willing to risk her current life with a supportive husband and loving daughter to meet up with a 16-year old guy (now 47) she dated for 3 months when she was 15 years old. I happen to love my wife more than that, and even told the previous girlfriend as much but she seemed to ignore my words. Reminiscing about our hormonal youth is one thing but time has wizened me up and given me a perspective in which I relish the joy in waxing philosophically rather than conducting frivolous affairs.

Your daughter was kind enough to set up an electronic profile for you on the social networking website, facebook. As you may or may not have seen, facebook has given a lot of us middle-aged folk the chance to see what our former teenaged schoolmates now look like and what they're doing. From what I saw of your profile a few months ago, computers do not hold your interest so you don't spend time posting text and images on facebook related to the events of your life. I commend you for not getting hooked on computers or cell phones.

Virtual connections, including letters like these, do not substitute for real life. As you and I discovered long ago, life is not the trappings of society - the language, the tools, the trades - but rather the people who we let make us us.

You've made a wonderful life with your husband, raising what appears to be two wonderful children. I imagine some part of who you are comes from who we were, just as parts of me I can relate to the time I spent with you. Ours was not a relationship built upon the flames of lust that quickly flared up and burned out. Admittedly, we had (and have) our differences, including religious faith/practice.

More than likely you and I will never see each other again, especially with your folks now living in another state and our being from two graduating classes.

I have no idea what time it is although tree shadows tell me it's probably around noon. I woke up early this morning with the desire to write a personal note and found myself sitting on a folding chair in the garage with a book and a cup of tea beside me. [I just heard the volunteer fire department ring the Wednesday noon alarm so yes, it's noon. ;)] Our friendship had no solid beginning, no middle and no end. We are outside of time and always will be. I used to worry that I'd have some negative effect on your kids because my beliefs differed from yours but I realize the positive effect you had on me would overcome any negativity from me.

You've largely defined yourself through your kids' lives if you're like most of my friends who are parents. Now you have your parenting-free middle years to discover more about you before grandkids come along. You may know all there is to know about you. I can't say. In any case, as you enter this new phase of your life, may you find wonder and give more of the wonderful you to the world.

Give my best to your parents, your siblings, your husband and your kids.