Coral Camera

A screwdriver, a drinking glass, an inkwell and a flask. The investigator pointed them out to me over and over again. What was I doing with these items? I made up stories for him. I told him jokes. I said whatever I could to keep him from using the armadillo on me.

Mostly, I diverted his attention from himself because he didn't know that he was the one being investigated.

That's how it is these days. The Organization for the Reformation and Reparation of Police Actions uses reverse psychology to keep security forces off-balance. At first, we thought we'd infiltrate the police departments around the country. But then we realized all we were doing was tweaking the rules in place, forcing our members to make arrests to meet quotas established by the privatized prison system.

A new member came up with a better idea. Humour. Turn the whole law enforcement machine into a laughingstock. In the process, make the prison industry unprofitable while getting both sides of the law to lighten up, join together and break the cycle of institutionalized incarceration.

It's not an easy job. I often come up against hardened bodies who have been fully indoctrinated into the system, seeing a clear line that people are going to cross and must be severely punished for crossing. They want to break skin, teeth and bones. I get them connected with the staged fight entertainment companies, after I spend a few nights recovering at emergency clinics, of course.

So I sit here and play around with this investigator. Yes, I reply, this is going nowhere and yes, I'll probably sit here until I start taking this seriously. Meanwhile, the investigator is unable to go off and investigate anything else. You see how it works? In the meantime, I'm losing income I could be making as a real standup comedian. At least the quotas aren't being met - hopefully we'll have the prison system going bankrupt soon and all while the economy tanked into the toilet tank with no money to bail out the bailiffs. We call it the Gates maneuver (named after Bill Gates, for his invention of vaporware (announced product releases that never happen), not as many people think after Henry Louis Gates, Jr., the scholar arrested for protesting about unlawful entry by a police officer into his house).